Some of us are really our own problem.
You meet some folks and wonder why no one ever tells them the truth about them, they could be walking with a stain on the back of their white cloth and not one person would care to tell them they have something on their back. Simply because they’re known to always pick offence when corrected or whatnot.
I’ve learnt on the long run; it is rarely the fault of their friends/partners.
When a person is always too sentimental and emotionally attached to themselves, they cannot grow up and when they cannot grow up; it means they cannot be corrected. They’ll always pick an offence and expect everyone to massage their emotions.
How so?
Majority people would rather lie to you or not say anything at all depending on how you handle criticisms and uncomfortable truths.
An example:
A guy tells his friend; “Bro, please you need to know this, you have mouth odour and we need to find a solution to it” or even says “Bro, you have a mouth odour”
And the friend gets angry and doesn’t want to know what else his friend has to say because he cannot handle the uncomfortable truth & criticism.
At the end, the friend apologises and tries his best to never get his Guy that angry or sad again.
This is even an easy example.
In most cases, when you make people feel bad for telling you something that is too critical or uncomfortable.
It makes them walk on eggshells with you when it comes to constructive criticisms and certain truths. You can’t get the best honesty and criticism from people who you have made to always serve the interests of your emotions.
It is very imperative to understand that if you want to become a true grown up person(they’re very rare nowadays), you would have to live with the fact that growth is better achieved when you have honesty and constructive criticisms around you.
The worse is that the words most people don’t want to hear are the same words that they need to hear and fix. They are issues that would make them keep failing at relationships, job success, etc if not addressed. But they would rather not want to feel bad.
Imagine having an erectile dysfunction/Vagina odour and your partners never told you because you get angry/dramatic at the slightest uncomfortable discourse. Most especially nowadays when people lack the ability to have a sensitive communication moment without getting 100% emotional and throwing tantrums.
This is why you see Adults(18+) with flaws and wonder; “Do they have friends?”
In your bid to grow up and be a far better adult; You need to be able to comprehend and accept criticisms and uncomfortable truths from people who are close to you.
We live in a world that is currently more emotional than logical and yet, has more individual problems than a world where logical thinking rules.
It is very imperative that you master how to filter what people tell you and work towards listening to the ones that are truth and can be worked upon.
Learn how to listen to what people have to say about you healthily, you cannot be telling everyone that you are giver but not one person believes you are.
Your self description about yourself does not matter when your partners and friends cannot testify to it. I hope you understand what I meant there.
This is how to grow up while making people honest with you about yourself.
- Listen to whatever a friend has to say about you or your work.
- Ensure you ask them to proffer solutions if it’s a problem and thank them for letting you know.
- Tell yourself the truth and see what they’re saying from a perspective that is not completely yours. That is “do a self-examination”
- If you see that it is a problem that would affect your work, relationships, etc then ensure you start trying to fix it. e.g: Being told that you need to learn how to be empathetical simply means you have been emotionally selfish and this is something that becomes a problem in relationships and group tasks.
- Fix the highlighted issue with a slow and steady process and ensure you don’t feel overwhelmed about it.
- Repeat this process for anything a special friend or partner tells you and you’ll be able to see the people who are truly honest with you and the ones who are not.
Allow people (especially your close circle) to get comfortable telling you virtually anything they think or observe about you and watch how you’ll become better at handling issues and the end result is:
You end up becoming an expert in self analysis and growth.
DO NOT REFUTE!
